new year, new dopamine pathways
I'm worried about my brain. I feel like gagging when I get my weekly screen time report. I hate myself for the hours wasted, I hate the notification, and I am apathetic to nearly all of the content I spend hours consuming.
Instagram is boring. Tiktok feels like doing cheap drugs. And twitter????????????? I admire those thinking thoughts while sinking with that ship but its scary, sloppy, and pornographic over there. AND NOTHING IS FUN ANYMORE.
"So have you realized it? Have you decided there's no luck in the draw?"
I crave depth, texture, nuance, ambiguity. I want to feel proud of how I engage with the physical world around me. I want friends who feel like a mirror gifted from God. I want to channel abundance. I want ritual. I want devotion. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to keep my nails clean. I want to experience pleasure. I welcome the experience of pain.
I want to write more and I want to engage with people who actually read.
I waaaannnntttttt